


before

by watergator



Series: mmard [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Gen, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 05:52:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18462812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: phil finds out he's going to be a father





	before

**Author's Note:**

> for the anon that requested this some time ago <3

When Phil wakes, he feels the blossoming of a burning kind of pain behind his eyes. It feels far away from the usual headache he gets when he keeps his contacts in all day, or when he somehow spends the day living off pure caffeine instead of real food.

But uni has the tendency to let him slip into bad habits, some habits worse than others.

He groans, rolling out of bed, knowing that he has an English lecture later and his professor had mentioned something about a big essay coming up, and as much as Phil enjoyed his chosen subject, right now there was nothing less he’d rather do than write a whole two thousand word essay on how words work.

Sighing, he rubs a hand over his head and wills himself to get up and go make a break for the showers that are just down the hall; it’s still early and he’s been here long enough to know when the best times are for avoiding people that are probably far too tired or hungover to venture out and bump into him awkwardly into the hall.

But as he’s about to gather up his clothes and wash bag, he notices a text on his phone that’s charging into the wall.

With a blink of his eyes, he secretly hopes it’s a text alert from his class to tell him it’s cancelled, or maybe even something from his mum.

But he’s not expecting it to be  _ Natalie _ .

He fumbles for his phone as he rubs the sleep from his eyes with a knuckle.

The text opens and he stares at it for a while until his crappy vision unblurs and he can see the screen a little clearer.

 **natalie (ling class):** _hi phil i know this is weird but is it okay if i come over ltr?_

Phil frowns at the little screen in his palm.

Natalie was… Natalie. Just, Natalie from one of his study groups for English Linguistics.

There wasn’t a whole lot he knew about her. Other than the fact they kissed at a party, had drunken sex and had a very short conversation the next that that they totally weren’t into each other.

And that was that. Phil wasn’t heartbroken, Natalie wasn’t sad, the sex was good and the hangover the next day wasn’t, but other than that, they hadn’t really kept in close contact, other than the fact that Natalie said Phil was funny and Phil had thought she was interesting, and although maybe it was all backwards, maybe they could be friends somehow.

But her text doesn’t seem as casual as he’d hoped. There’s something about it that doesn’t exactly seem like it’s just a normal text about hanging out for the day.

He frowns again, chewing his lips before he jabs his thumbs against his buttons and types back a response.

 **phil:** _sure! im free until 3 so come ovr anytime :p_

He hits send and throws his phone softly onto his pillow, standing with a stretch.

He makes a grab for the damp towel that hangs off his chair that’s tucked under his desk and scratches at his armpit, grimacing at the smell of sweat. He really needs to shower.

And just as he’s dreaming about hot, soapy suds, his phone pings again, catching him off guard.

 **natalie (ling class):** _cool. i’ll be there in 5_

Well that can’t be good.

*

Shower long forgotten, Phil makes an attempt to clear the tiny area space of his room. He piles old clothes on his bed and kicks his boxers away out of sight and sprays enough deodorant under his pits to probably suffocate himself and anyone else around him.

There’s a soft knock at his door and Phil stands there for a second, ruffles the birds nest of hair on his head, flattens it over his forehead with his palm and opens the door.

She’s stood there, dressed in a shirt and pj bottoms that look pink and fluffy, but that’s not what Phil’s focusing on.

Her eyes are puffy and red and she head tear tracks streaming down her chubby cheek.

Phil isn’t sure what to say, he stands there looking at her like a lemon, unsure if he should maybe give her a hug or just invite her in, when she chokes on a sob and wipes her snotty nose on the back of her hand.

“Phil,” She croaks with a sad voice; a voice so unfamiliar than the bubbly, happy one he’d grown accustomed to.

“Phil,” she says again, this time a little clearer,

“I’m pregnant.”

*

They’re sat on his bed in silence. It’s still early but people are moving around them now.

The door is shut but it might be wide open with how vulnerable Phil feels.

She has the stick clutched tight in her shaking hand. Phil stares hard at it, like the little pink plus that glares at him might switch to a line the longer he looks.

She sniffs and it seems to pop Phil out the momentary trance he feels like he’s in.

“We…” he starts, his voice weak and far away. “We used protection.”

He feels small and stupid when she gives a frustrated sigh, holding the stick still. Phil wants to snap it in half and throw it away already.

“Yeah, and,” she says, “and sometimes those things don’t work all the time. It’s on the box.”

If it were any other time, Phil might laugh and makes a Friends joke. Back then, it seemed funny watching the awkward conversation between Ross and Rachel take place, arguing about condom reliability as well as facing the reality that they’d unintentionally made a baby.

But now, it felt all too real, and Phil wasn’t Ross - he wasn’t some fictional character from a tv show that got to laugh his way through situations, and stop existing when cameras went dead and audiences switched channels.

Phil was real. Natalie was real.  _ This _ , was all real.

There’s something he wants to say. Something so desperate that sits on his tongue, and although it burns him with such eagerness, he knows once the words leave his mouth he’ll most definitely sound like an ass.

But foot in mouth wins and he’s saying it anyways.

“Are you certain it’s.. its mine?”

She looks at him, maybe with a little bit of shock, and gives an exasperated sigh that makes Phil shrink in his seat. She seems like she could outburn a million suns with the intense look in her leafy green eyes, and Phil wouldn’t blame her.

“Phil, of course it’s yours,” she tells him, a crease between her brow now. “If you’re worried then… feel free to take a test when the baby’s born, but I’m one hundred percent sure you’re the other half of dna right now.”   
  
Her voice cracks at the end, huffing out a tired laugh that sounds bitter and sharp and not at all humourous.   
  
“No,” Phil says softly, “I wasn’t accusing you of anything,” he whispers softly, and she looks down at the pregnancy stick in her hand with another sad sniff.    
  
“I just,” Phil starts, feeling a lump wedged in his throat. “I just want to be sure because right now my head is like…” he trails off when she looks up at him with watery eyes with fresh tears.   
  
“Like you’re freaking out?” she finishes off for him with a small voice, and he nods.   
  
“Yeah. Of course I am. And so are you.”   
  
He reaches out and tentatively rests his hand over hers where it holds the stick still. He doesn’t hesitate in giving it a squeeze, not letting go just yet.   
  
She looks in his eyes with a deep, careful stare, and Phil can’t help but stare back.    
  
She’s really beautiful, really. Long, straight, strawberry hair that sits nicely halfway down her back, as well as sparkly bright forest green eyes that Phil thinks reminds him of mint.   
  
“Nat,” Phil says, rubbing a thumb over her knuckles. “I’m sorry.”   
  
She sniffs again, blinking rolling tears. “Yeah,” she gives a wet laugh. “Me too. This is fucked, right?” She says looking down again.   
  
The lump in Phil’s throat doesn’t seem to budge, but he swallows the pain down nonetheless, and sucks in a shuddery breath,   
  
“Yeah,” he tells her when she looks up at him again. “It does suck. The timings a bit… shite,” he says with a weak laugh, but it only seems to make her cry again, pulling her hand away from Phil's to bury her face away with a short sob.   
  
“Fuck, my fucking degree is so fucked. What am I going to do? I can’t do this, Phil. I really can’t do this.”   
  
His heart lurches in his chest at the pain in her voice, feeling his face fold into a crumpled frown. He hasn’t even cried yet, but he doesn’t think tears are close just yet.   
  
Instead, he reaches out and holds her shoulder. “You can,” he tells her.   
  
Her head snaps up fast at him, tears and snot dribbling down her face as her lip wobbles dangerously.   
  
“No,” she says in a voice sounding stronger than she looks. “I can’t. I can’t finish uni and have a baby.”   
  
Phil feels his palms sweat and his pulse race; he really doesn’t have a clue. Half hour ago, his biggest problem was avoiding conversation in the hallways towards the toilets, and now, he’s going to be a father.   
  
A father. A baby.   
  
Phil’s going to have a  _ baby _ .   
  
He takes in another shaky breath that doesn’t feel as if it’s actually helping getting any oxygen to his brain, he only grips Natalie’s shoulder tighter.   
  
“Fuck. You’re right. What are we gonna do?”   
  
She looks at him with tear filled eyes and shrugs her shoulders. “I dunno Phil. Have we fucked this?”   
  
He looks at her, looks at the stick, and then, for the first time, looks at the belly. Under her crumpled shirt, there’s barely anything there; she’s still flat and not showing and nobody would be able to tell there’s a baby growing inside of her.

“Not necessarily,” he tells her. “Maybe we could,” he pauses to run a hand through his hair, ignoring how greasy and disgusting it feels.    
  
“Maybe we could… figure something out.”   
  
There’s a few options. A few options that don’t matter until he gets her approval.   
  
She nods. “Yeah,” she whispers. “A few.”   
  
A few. There’s the small pockets of ideas that sit in the back of Phil’s mind - they could have the baby, figure it out on how to take care of it.    
  
They could have the baby and have someone else take care of it, put it up for adoption and never really have to think about it again.   
  
And then… then they could just… not have a baby.   
  
But that’s Natalie’s decision, he decides. He decides that on the spot and holds that close. That’s something they can discuss, but he’s not holding any hope to it, because if she says yes, he won’t protest, and if she says no, he won’t push.   
  
He hears her take a deep breath in and out and he watches her carefully.   
  
“Natalie,” he says, voice sounding so different in his own head now.   
  
She looks at him again.   
  
“Natalie, just know that - that I’m here. For whatever you decide, I’m here. I know you’re probably scared out of your mind, but just know that - just know that I’m gonna do everything I can for you. For whatever you need. For you, for us. For…” he pauses to look at her stomach again. She places a hand over it as he looks back up.    
  
“For  _ all _ of us.”

She blinks at him, before her face crumples again and breaks into tears again, leaning forward where Phil embraces her in a tight hug. He’s not sure why, but he’s cautious to not crush her belly in the hug as she grips onto him.

“Thank you,” she mumbles into his shoulder, soaking his shirt with hot tears.   
  
“Thank you,” she says again once they’ve pulled away, and she’s wiping falling tears with her hand.    
  
“It’s alright,” Phil tells her, giving her a small smile.   
  
She rids herself of anymore tears and blinks back any oncoming ones.   
  
“I should get going, I have to make some calls,” she tells him, reaching out and touching his hand quickly. “I’m gonna tell my parents tonight I think.”   
  
Phil swallows thickly.    
  
“You don’t have to like, feel pressured to tell yours, but just so you know, I’m telling mine today. I have to. My mum is like, my closest friend.”   
  
Phil feels an ache in his heart. He’s the same with his own mum.   
  
“Yeah,” he croaks looking at him. “Mine too.”   
  
She smiles at him.   
  
“I’ll text you, yeah. About… stuff, I dunno, this is all so,” she heaves a heavy breath, “so strange right now and maybe we can sit down and have a real talk.”   
  
Phil nods, “Sounds good.”   
  
Natalie nods back, standing. “Right, well, see you around.”   
  
Phil nods again before standing up to see her to the door that only stands half a foot away.   
  
“I’ll text you,” she repeats again as she turns in the doorway.    
  
Phil hums, before she pulls him into a hug again.   
  
“It’s - it’ll be okay, yeah? We can do this, can’t we?” she whispers to him once they’re apart.   
  
Phil looks at her, and breathes for a moment. He might be having a baby with this girl. She might be the mother of his future child. Whatever happens, Natalie is no longer just the girl from study group anymore.    
  
He nods, “Yeah. It will be.”   
  
She smiles again, eyes watering up again. “Good,” she says in a whisper.   
  
“It’ll be okay,” Phil tells her.    
  
Because deep down, he feels like it actually might be.   


**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr !! @watergator


End file.
